Twenty years ago I went through the most difficult time of my life to-date. I met someone back then who was an angel in disguise. She helped me survive that tumultuous time in my late teens/early twenties. When I’d have a particularly difficult day or week she’d use the analogy of riding a bike to motivate me to keep going.
“Are you going to get back on the bike today?”
A question I heard more times than I’d like to admit. Most often on days when I not only got off the bike but also threw it, kicked it, and maybe tried to forget it was there. Life was painful during that period of time, and I struggled to wade through my depression. Hearing her questions about riding the bike enraged me on days I just wanted to pout in the corner about how unfair life was, and yet deep down the analogy resonated with me. So much so that twenty years later I still hear her question in my head.
Am I going to get back on the bike? Today? Tomorrow?
The reasons I threw my bike down are different today than twenty years ago. I’m tired, exhausted even, and find myself with a to-do list longer than days in the month. The weight of managing the needs of three little people is vastly different than the weight of depression in my twenties. Nonetheless it’s heavy, draining, and tiresome.
Originally this blog was going to be focused on ‘style’ and while that’s a component it’s no longer going to be the sole focus. Let’s be real – it hasn’t been the focus much anyways. I need somewhere to talk about what it’s like to start and stop riding the bike. Because dammit this bike riding stuff is hard no matter the age or circumstance.