Today I’m going to get personal. Mostly because I’m at a loss for where to go or who can help. In the off chance one of my two readers (ha!) can relate or even point me in a direction, I’m going to put this out there.
I am exhausted.
I know, I know. So if every other parent or person from time to time. This, however, feels different. It’s the kind of exhaustion and fatigue where I can barely get out of bed. Not from sadness or depression, but more a heavy feeling like my mind and body are done moving. The worst part is I want to move. As a Type A woman, I thrive on checking things off my to-do list and accomplishing things. Imagine my dismay when all I want to do is sleep.
In the past year I’ve seen an endocrinologist, gynecologist, and my primary doctor to discuss this persistent and often debilitating fatigue. They tell me I’m likely depressed or need to lose a few pounds or take vitamins or get more sunlight. I’ve tried those “fixes” and it works for a bit before the next wave of fatigue hits. Mostly the debilitating fatigue affects me most after I’ve mentally or physically exerted myself. Hence, the episodes often start on Fridays. It’s as if my body makes it so far into the week before saying “Stacy, you have to rest.” I’m ok with rest until my body is telling me I need 72 hours of it.
If I’m being honest, this has been a struggle my whole life. I had mononucleosis in kindergarten. Who gets mono at age 6? Then I dealt with mono again in college and in my twenties. When I tell my primary drs this they insist mono only hits a person once. Um, no. I have the tests to prove it.
Recently I stumbled upon this article. And it scared the hell out of me. I read the article recognizing myself in the stories. Chronic fatigue syndrome? Is it real? Is the fatigue in my head? And more importantly, who do I go see to help me? All I know is I don’t want to keep living like this fearing this fatigue. It’s like hitting a wall at 90mph, and the impact is hard on my family and me.